I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
