Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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