Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize