Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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