I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
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I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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