Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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