any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
