He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
