i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
