her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
