It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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