tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
