If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
