He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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