dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
