omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize