Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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