i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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