if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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