Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
