He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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