Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
