Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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