so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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