jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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