I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
