toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
