32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
