make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
