I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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