he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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