your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
