God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
