wat bout pragnant strippers??
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
