just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
