I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
