I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
