i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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