Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
