happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
