Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
