I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
