pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
