In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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