I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have post one night stand depression
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