Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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