I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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