god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Having a random hookup so left but love u
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I want a musical about memes.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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