Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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