i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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