I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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