dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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