But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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