Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
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I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
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I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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