I wish I only lived at night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
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She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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