It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.