oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️