just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers