I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He better not be in your backpack
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole