If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park