It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
