if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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