i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
