DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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