she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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