i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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